It's About Valen-TIME.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. This, of course, means that everyone will be acting like they are too cool to celebrate such a stupid holiday. Everyone will be saying that it is just another pointless day on the calendar that only serves to fatten the wallets of the Big Heart-Shaped-Box-Of-Chocolates lobby. They will all make the same joke, over and over again, about how they're spending Valentine's with their one true love: THE TV! (I'M ALREADY LAUGHING.) Even worse, some people may even go so far as to pollute our internet by indulging not on the hearts with the things written on them, but in the self pity that ferments every time they off-handedly mention how they don't have a date for the big Valentine's Ball, or whatever it is that couples do on the 14th. Granted, I'm already doing my fair share of belly aching (and it's not even Valentine's yet! I'm the first! I win!) but I still respect Valentine's Day. Of course, a lot of this may spring from the fact that I, as a hobbyist cardier, assign meaning to these holidays for my bread and butter. But I happen to think that Valentine's should be special. There are 364 other days of the year where one can spew vitriol about being "FRIENDZONED" or about how true love will never find a delicate, beautiful snowflake such as, I'm guessing, YOU. I say let's just dedicate one day a year to the appreciation of human love, regardless as to how separated someone is from it. It is a fascinating evolutionary adaptation, after all. And the ONLY romantic comedy anyone is allowed to watch is Groundhog Day. Katherine Heigl will be fine without young women identifying with her quirky antics for 24 hours. Self pity can be shelved until the 15th, gifts will be tasteful and not carried to the USA on the bloody stump-hands of a Nigerian orphan / guerilla warrior, and everyone, regardless of relationship status, gets to enjoy CANDY. That sounds like a pretty awesome Valentine's Day to me. Oh well, maybe next year.

Happy Valentine's, everybody! And Whitney Houston, if you're reading this, thank you for demanding less attention in life than you've commanded so far in death.