I felt like I would give you guys a break from the usual owl related greeting card this week in order to present a list of the questions that I am, in real life, most frequently asked regarding this blog. I am doing this to dissuade any of you from asking me these questions, as they are innocuous but demoralizing in a way you do not realize.
Q: Whatever happened to that blog you had?
A: I still have it
Q: Really? When was the last time you updated it?
A: Monday
Q: Do you still update it?
A: Yes; every Monday
Q: Do people still go there?
A: No
Q: Dude, you should turn it into a Tumblr.
A: That is not a question.
Q: Why isn't your blog a Tumblr?
A: BECAUSE I'M NOT A LOLCAT. GO AWAY.
I suppose a few of these questions could have been answered sooner. Frankly, I'm glad I'm answering them at all. You see, as of the last Monday in April, I will no longer be making owl related greeting cards or updating this blog weekly. May will mark the one year anniversary of the 12 hour owl related greeting card challenge, and I feel that 52 weeks is more than enough time to have spent designing cards and writing puns. I will be here with a few new greeting cards up until that point, however.
BUT NOW I WILL BE POSTING CARDS WHILE WEARING A SAUCY ROBE.
A SAUCY ROBE - AND NOTHING ELSE.
If that doesn't get anybody out there excited about card-based literature, then I give up. Also, dear friends and lovers, there is another announcement I'd like to make. I am being paid to mention that AT SUBWAY, the FIVE DOLLAR FOOTLONG for the month of April will be BOLOGNA MARINARA.
And you will buy it.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Owls for a Rainy Evening
Here's this week's owl related greeting card.
This is a great card for you to give to anybody who's retiring (as if I needed to tell you that. Oh Christ.) But, also, with a few dabs of white out blanking out the "Happy Retirement" on the bottom, this card would also be great to give to that family that's moving out of your neighborhood and who is not the same race as you. This way, you can guarantee that they won't spend hours talking, laughing, and gossiping about how racist you were. No one ever thinks the guy with the greeting cards is racist.
This is a great card for you to give to anybody who's retiring (as if I needed to tell you that. Oh Christ.) But, also, with a few dabs of white out blanking out the "Happy Retirement" on the bottom, this card would also be great to give to that family that's moving out of your neighborhood and who is not the same race as you. This way, you can guarantee that they won't spend hours talking, laughing, and gossiping about how racist you were. No one ever thinks the guy with the greeting cards is racist.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
"Uh oh... Monday was today..."
This week, if you are a Kollege Kid like me, is spring break. There is no finer time to shirk responsibility than this week. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's why they keep it around. As some of you might have noticed, I let my mind slip into vacation mode a little bit too heavily. What happened, simply put, is that I completely lost track of one day. Don't ask me what I was doing for that 24 hour blank, because, frankly, I'd have a difficult time trying to remember. This led to me, only last night, realizing twenty seconds after closing my eyes to go to sleep that, in fact, I had completely missed Monday, as well as a post on the ol' ORGCB.
BUT I AM HERE NOW, AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN.*
After drawing my first owl related get-well-soon card, I decided that the health issues genre was an abundant one, ripe for card production. So I designed two (YES, TWO!) new cards that you could send to anyone who may be feeling a little under the wFEATHER!
THAT LAST JOKE IS YOURS! I DARE YOU TO SAY IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS SICK! DO YOU VALUE THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS?
This first card is largely only here to make up for last week. Technically I posted something, so it should be alright. However, shortly after deciding to shirk my owls for another marathon session of SimCity 2000, I was reminded of how much that game cheats. I was also reminded of how much that game blows and smells like poop and how much I HATE SIMCITY 2000. THE TORNADO JUST HAD TO GO RIGHT THROUGH THE POWER PLANT?! So here's a card!
I like this one. The nurse-owl has really long arms and really short legs. It looks like a gibbon, and that is funny to me. Now, here's yesterday's owl, TODAY!
If the occassion to buy this card ever appears, you'll recognize it. Hoo boy.
*Well, actually... now that you mention it...
BUT I AM HERE NOW, AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU AGAIN.*
After drawing my first owl related get-well-soon card, I decided that the health issues genre was an abundant one, ripe for card production. So I designed two (YES, TWO!) new cards that you could send to anyone who may be feeling a little under the wFEATHER!
THAT LAST JOKE IS YOURS! I DARE YOU TO SAY IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS SICK! DO YOU VALUE THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS?
This first card is largely only here to make up for last week. Technically I posted something, so it should be alright. However, shortly after deciding to shirk my owls for another marathon session of SimCity 2000, I was reminded of how much that game cheats. I was also reminded of how much that game blows and smells like poop and how much I HATE SIMCITY 2000. THE TORNADO JUST HAD TO GO RIGHT THROUGH THE POWER PLANT?! So here's a card!
I like this one. The nurse-owl has really long arms and really short legs. It looks like a gibbon, and that is funny to me. Now, here's yesterday's owl, TODAY!
If the occassion to buy this card ever appears, you'll recognize it. Hoo boy.
*Well, actually... now that you mention it...
Monday, March 5, 2012
MARCHing Towards MADNESS
I would love to grace all of you with a proper owl related greeting card tonight, but it seems that two things have captured my attention instead. Firstly, I feel very poorly due to lack of sleep. Secondly, I feel very awesome because I have spent the majority of my free time lately playing a game called SimCity 2000. I'm pretty sure they called it '2000' because it was the 2000th Maxis simulator game, coming out between SimBosnia and SimTides (the latter being the game where you got to control the tides. The interface unsurprisingly required only two buttons.) Thank God they eventually developed The Sims. Now they don't have to worry about revisiting popular and beloved franchises or coming up with new ideas.
Sadly, the time I've spent away from SimCity 2000 writing this post has made me break out into a flop-sweat. I need to return to the shockingly earthquake prone citizens that hate me and are only happy when their city is losing untold amounts of money while still sitting several bonds deep in debt. But hey, that's why they call me Mayor AAAAAA. Here's a transcription of a hallucination I suffer everytime I try to close my eyes!
Paint is a great program for NOTHING. PAINT IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PROGRAM. NOBODY LIKES PAINT. I only use it when I'm in a rush to return to SimCity, which is a great program for EVERYTHING. SIMCITY IS A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PROGRAM. EVERYBODY LIKES SIMCITY AND IT DESERVES ALL THE MICE ALL THE MICE ALL THE MICE ALL THE MICE SKRAAAAAWW SKRAW SKRAAAAAW SKRAAAAAW!
Sadly, the time I've spent away from SimCity 2000 writing this post has made me break out into a flop-sweat. I need to return to the shockingly earthquake prone citizens that hate me and are only happy when their city is losing untold amounts of money while still sitting several bonds deep in debt. But hey, that's why they call me Mayor AAAAAA. Here's a transcription of a hallucination I suffer everytime I try to close my eyes!
Paint is a great program for NOTHING. PAINT IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PROGRAM. NOBODY LIKES PAINT. I only use it when I'm in a rush to return to SimCity, which is a great program for EVERYTHING. SIMCITY IS A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL PROGRAM. EVERYBODY LIKES SIMCITY AND IT DESERVES ALL THE MICE ALL THE MICE ALL THE MICE ALL THE MICE SKRAAAAAWW SKRAW SKRAAAAAW SKRAAAAAW!
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