July Finale

In these summer months, it is not always easy for one to wax poetic on the nature of romance. For those of you lucky enough to be with the special person who accompanies you through the vast, indistinct hellscape that is summer (and the vast, indistinct hellscapes that are the other three seasons,) consider this card as a special tribute.

Naturally, the educated greeter will recognize the message of this card as being borrowed from the lyrics of one of my favorite Olivia Newton John songs. (Those of you not familiar with Olivia Newton John, or "OLIVOJO" as I call her, would be wise to review this brief biography. Born into squalor in the Australian Outback, Olivojo would go on to graduate from Rydell High in 1959 at the age of 30. She eloped with her life-mate, the beefy 24 year old high school senior John Travolta, and proceeded to fly into space with him in a rocket car. Tragically, the vessel was a convertible. Neither was ever seen again. All that remains of the legend of Olivojo are various number one hits, which I will now begin singing in my head. Also, I have never dressed up as her.)

More to the point, while not everyone desires romance, I hope that all of you who seek it find some "summer lovin'" of your own. Spring may be the stereotypical season of passion, but I have to believe summer is better. It's the special time of year where someone can find someone to watch reruns with and can get naked in front of without having to care. (Also, fireworks and alternating designated driver duties.) So happy summer, everybody. Try not to die.

(OWLivia Newton John wants to get physicOWL with you!)

Also, happy birthday Merv Griffin! Here's a Jeopardy answer for you...

"The animal who's name is derived from the Dutch translation for 'Earth Pig.'"

The question?

"What god would allow a human as repulsive and vile as Merv Damned Griffin to live in sin and filth for so long before righteously plucking him from the planet and dropping him down into the festering pits of everlasting Hell where, in an example of the only injustice found in the divine castings of eternal damnation, he decays slowly in a pit of bile and blood that is twice as massive as the gardens of heaven themselves, and yet is only a fraction of the size of the mountainous turd he excreted on the cultural landscape of the world and visible universe by simply existing for years far too long and far too 'Merv-y'"