SOPAliloquy.

I'm not the biggest fan of the internet. I do enjoy it in moderation, however. I use the internet for three main things; namely, watching "The IT Crowd," self-promoting, and miscellaneous. But I can not get over how insane society would become when it was blacked out. I was away from my computer most of the day, but even if I had been at home, I doubt I would have been as up-in-arms as some people became. I suppose this is because my attention span is too short for books, but it is not yet short enough that I would rather watch images flash across a computer screen than watch images flash across cable TV. It also helps that I am a mature member of the last generation to clearly recall life before widespread web access; a member who, in fact, had dial-up until 2009. I didn't miss anything. As I said, I appreciate the internet for the three things previously mentioned. There are people different than me (!?) however, and these people made today a very, very, very important day.

Today, January 18th, the internet shut down in a valiant effort to keep the internet from shutting down. As we all know by now, this was a glorious victory. Not only was the internet able to censor itself (because it wanted to, not because you told it to,) it was able to shelve a piece of legislation that had already been shelved days prior, making all of this mean something. What does it mean though? Freedom.

As we all know, the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the Facebook status updates of college students.

And now, dear friends, we celebrate. We remember the enormous sacrifices made by the heroes that couldn't get onto Reddit for twelve hours, and we revel at the knowledge that the twin devil-heads of Intellectual Property and Artistic Entitlement have been smashed underneath the rolling treads of inactivity. However, I sit ill at ease with myself. I found last night that everybody online was lamenting the fact that the internet would be down today. And when I say lamenting, I mean lamenting. How on earth could a society become so addicted to an information network that they couldn't spend twelve hours away from it without walking to the barn with a noose?

Maybe I'm simply nostalgic, but I miss the days when home internet access was limited to whenever you weren't waiting for a phone call. I'm truly unnerved by how enamored with (and ensconced within) the world wide web America is. People have become completely dependent upon the internet for their entertainment, and, as a result, devolve into withdrawal-wrought children when a handful of websites go black for a day. The porn was still there, for god's sake, and what more could you possibly ask for?

All vitriol aside, censorship is poisonous, and it is truly a relief that SOPA and PIPA have been stopped for now.

But on a side note, I'm also relieved that the problem has receded because I could not deal with this deluge of student-union-politics and empty sloganeering for another day. And for what? Foul Bachelor Frog, I guess. But I do not need to be reminded, the users of the world can not function without him and his ilk, and his endless stream of unpaid-for music and unwatched episodes of "The Guild." This notion has inspired me. The internet has (apparently) more than enough people protecting it. I feel it's time that a few of us need to start thinking about protecting ourselves from the internet. As such, here's a suite of owl related greeting cards that tie into this theme!

This one is perfect for the kind of person you probably know.

This is a great card for any mother to give to their male child born after 1990. (Be aware, I'm no fan of the outdoors myself. Apparently there are things called bees, and things called crevasses. But even I know when it's time to table the porno.)

Speaking of which...

This is another great card for your mom to hang onto. If I were thirteen again, I would much rather have this slid under my door than have the most awkward conversation ever dropped onto my plate. I guess it's mainly just a non-judgemental, non-confrontational way to tell someone to learn how to clear the browser history. It's also an adorable way to tell your significant other that you know what he/she looks at, and that (depending on the website) you will be unable to look at him/her ever again.

On the topic of uneasy relationships, I'm sure many issues came to light today in the shadow of the internet blackout. Without the pacifier of online stimulation gently numbing the minds of the paramours of the world, many, I'm sure, suddenly realized how unbearable the person they live with is. Here's a cute way to express this feeling without having to interact with anyone!

Good luck sending 'mixed messages' with this guy up your sleeve.

I'm tired now. Rest easy, my two readers. And rest easy, internet. You have been saved from the threat of legislation; a threat which will never again appear until the next time it appears.